An American Masquerade

We cover our eyes with our faith & our dreams

We put on the gowns of our identity

We await our turn to make an entrance down the spiral staircase

We march around in our affectation

We pretend to know who we are

We pretend to know who you are

We don't want to see the wrinkles of your life

So then you can't see ours

We would rather pretend to know

Why can't we ripe off the masks?

Let others see our bloodshot eyes

Let them see our running mascara

So we can see theirs

Why can't we rip off the gowns?

Let ourselves be what we are

Let others be who they are

Oh, what I would do to destroy this American masquerade

Chaos wrapped in a packaged & tied with a red ribbon

Although I could take five blogs to discuss politics

and the remarks of McCain supporters

I have decided to no longer concentrate on such comments

but rather celebrate that I am witnessing something that will go down in the history books

I am anxious.

I am anxious about how I can help the world

and how the world will help me.

I desire to be among those whom others are fearful of,

whom others ignore because of this fear,

whom others deny, whom others prefer not to talk about.

This anxiousness of mine has given me great passion and great uneasiness.

I've learned the good and bad of such.

Sometimes you have to let go to hold on.

Sometimes you have to go slow to get somewhere quickly.

I have had to let go many desires and thoughts that I can change the world.

I've had to do this so I can hold closely a passion that will have great influence on others.

I've had to let go of the thought that the world's suffering will end because of my actions,

in doing so I have held closely God's promise and ability to place myself and others in many situations where we can positively influence others.

I've had to let go of desire to leave everything behind and go straight to the places I want to be.

In doing so, I've held on to the importance of investing into a community

and seeing the influence I can have in all places.

I've held onto the truth that it takes time to reach your ideal place and position.

I am bound for dirty and dusty places.

I am bound to rub elbows with filth.

I am bound to see God, caked in mud and with the scent of Scotch.

I am bound to follow Jesus into these places.

I am bound to leave those places never the same.

Recently I have been encouraged.

By a man I barely know and a man I know very well.

I have been challenged to stop hiding.

To let my talents, my personality and my thoughts be noticed.

Therefore, most of the photographs that you have seen on my blogs are mine.

I am just a little worried, I suppose.

I want to be humble, but confident.

I want to be confident, but not prideful.

So bear with me as I attempt to let myself be what I am.

The main reason for this blog is to say I have no other profound thoughts.

Life is good. Very good.

Ben & I are absolutly soaking up the newlywed life.
We have built wonderful relationships here at Sterling.

And we look forward eagerly to the rest of lives.

To our friends elsewhere, we miss you.

Thank you for your support and the challenges you offered us.

I hope we have done the same.

And to clear the air. There are no babies on the way.

Not for a long time as long as I am in control.

And Finally: My Ode to Lauren, my sister:

Oh Lauren,

How can words capture the essence of such a being.

A girl full of spunk.

A girl who hugs tree trunks.

She is like her sister.

Artsy and not a mister.

She takes the most wonderful photos.

Especially of her hott older sister.

She makes it hard to right an poetic ode.

I don't know wheter to rhyme, scream, cry, or kiss a toad.

She is beautiful, witty, intelligient and fun --

Can she really be my relative?

Of course!

Who is could carry such wonderful genes?!?

Oh Lauren,

You are a unique creature.

A special feature.

Oh Lauren,

Oh Lauren.

No longer a creature of captivity

Many times in my life I've tamed wild horses

I've repeated the process countless times

I have the strength & courage to break the free-spirit of a stallion

But I don't know how to tame my own

My spirit burns for experience

It longs for numerously different adventures

It is not easily broken by reigns of comfort

Nor is it domesticated by fences

It has the ability to leap higher than these fences

It's passion to run is not altered by the whips of reality

How can a wild animal be tamed?

How can a firey spirit be calmed?

How can passion & peace co-exist in the heart of a woman?

Should such a spirit be brought to a place of restraint?

Or should it be allowed to roam & run in fields of freedom & liberation?

Political Ponderings

The Election is close

I have chosen my side

I feel it's the right choice

My heart aches for change

A change for the lonely and forgotten

Many people think I am denying my faith by my political choice

How can a Christian believe in such a thing?

I'm not "pro-choice" I explain

I do not believe it is a womans right to have an abortion

I do think that there is a better plan through education & freedom

Then we can find in more rules & restrictions

I am pro-life completely

I want little babies to stay alive

I want war to be an option rarely considered

I want the homeless and the hungry to have resources

I want broken families to be repaired

I want the trees to keep standing

I want the little kittens and gigantic whales to experience their lives to the fullest

I do not just take a political party and fight for it if I don't believe it wholeheartedly

I'm not registered as a Republican or Democrat

I just want to help America in whatever way I can

I want to help America help other countries too

I have a lot of friends who differ from my views

They perhaps tend to be a bit more "conservative"

But they've taught me a lot

And we've given each other different challenges

I like that

I like that we can talk and not argue

I like that we don't have to bash each other

I like that we don't have to be hypocrites

Saying we want change

We must be willing to be the seed of it

Something new and exciting is happening

I sense it, I think

If I became President

I would probably just throw huge Mundies parties in the White House

I already know who my running mate would be

And I know who I'd want in my Cabinet

So, I guess my point is I know where I stand now

It may change

It may not

But I hope that no matter what happens

We stay united in an active plan for many changes

And we participate in these plans

As Derek Webb says

"We'll never have a Savior up on Capital Hill"

So You Want An Adventure?

As a little girl I dreamed of adventure

Either I was a princess in need of a knight to carry me away

Or I was a gypsy

Wandering distant lands

Or I was an Indian girl protecting my tribe

But Never would I expected the adventure I am currently on

I've thought of adventure as traveling the world

Learning different languages

Climbing the highest mountain

Exploring the darkest caves

Experiencing a whole new culture

All these things I would still love and hope to do

But they can't compare to the adventure of marriage

To experience complete transparency is more grand

than seeing the clear beaches of Cozumel

To witness the growth of love is more breathtaking

than standing at the top of Eiffel Tower

To awake each morning remembering your vows is more exciting

than a bull run in the streets of Spain

Although I have only been married 5 months

It has been the most adventorous time in my life

I wish heaven was open for vacations

I'm not even sure where heaven is

I'm not even sure what heaven is

I'm not even sure if is a place

But I just know heaven is good

I could use that kind of good

Don't be mistaken

I am happy

I love life with my husband

I have more than enjoyed the opportunities here in Sterling

But some times have come that have left me begging in the dirt

And with each situation

I am helpless

I take on the responsibility of all my families well-being

I am limited with what I can there

I can only give my body a certain amount of health

Sometimes abnormalities happen

I can only help the loss and lonely to a certain extinct

I cannot be the one that changes their mind

I long for more of God

And a taste of His heaven

Even the slighest scent of His heaven

Could put together the broken pieces of my family

Restore my body to full health

Bring the wandering into His arms

If only heaven was open for vacation

little flowers

I am a flower

A flower of never before seen design

Colors not found in the rainbow

I drink up my thirst -- water of the purest kind

Pouring over me

I bathe in the brightest rays of the brightest sun

I reflect the shine that taints my petals

I stand tall

I brave the coldest winter winds

I do not wither

I do not conform to the dying colors of the dark season

You will find me being what I am

A flower revealing it's magnitude

cute old ladies

So at the coffeeshop the other day I was working when this elderly women came into to get some coffee
I made her a drink and took it to her table
After I left, she spilled her drink
Luckily she wasn't burned, but my heart was hurting for this little old lady whom I now had to make a new drink for.
I gave her some towels to dry the coffee off her pants.
She seemed lonely to me and so I decided to talk with her.
I found out that she has been living with her son but is now going to a retirement home in South Dakota.
She tried to speak of all the fun she will have there, but I think she was just trying to convince herself.
She was lonely.
So we talked more about her life and her family.
We even discovered that we both grew up on goat farms and love to read.
She recommended a magazine to me.
I wished her the best and we parted.
My relationship with her only lasted about thirty minutes, but I am thankful for little experiences like these.
I often think people miss great opportunities to love on people.
People are very focused on "bigger issues" on a global spectrum, like poverty, the envirnoment, slave trades, etc. that they ignore the oppressed, forgotten and poor living right next to them.
Don't get me wrong, I think issues that are on the global spectrum need to be addressed majorly and I plan to help with that, but too many people focus on those things that they miss and even hurt those they cross while they are on their way to what they consider "seeking justice".
I just wish everyone was aware of the opportunities in Sterling, KS just as they are aware of the opportunities in Chicago, IL.

On another note- I am upset with the way Democrats have represented themselves and Obama. I'm a registered Indepedent, but I have done tons of research and keep coming to the conclusion that I want to vote for Obama. But when people misrepresent him, it angers me.
For example:
A group of war protestors went to the Republican National Convention and were picketing outside of the convention. When they started to get a little rowdy, some security tried to prevent them from becoming any more destructive to the Convention. So what do the war protestors do?? They get violent. War protestors. It seems hypocritical to me and quite seriously makes me think that too many people are only jumping on the bandwagon of peace and love without seriously changing who they are.

Well, that's it for now. I have class in about an hour so I'm going to go shower. :)

Belleville, Kansas

Here's to you hometown
And the memories that have shaped me
The daily breakfast stop at Kravemore's with my grandparents
The mud pies I made my sister eat
The goats that became my dearest friends, regardless of their desires
The camoflauged boat where I spent my infanthood fishing with grandpa
The fried potatoes my grandma would make every evening for supper and I'd always have seconds
The old swing set where I first discovered mosquitos and bruises
The fireflies
The numerous pets that I still know by name
The grumpy horse I was bound to befriend, before it bit me
The summer softball I played with passion
The man on Sunset Drive that gave away quarters on Halloween...I hated him
The friendships I developed on J Street
The obstructive loudness of the races each summer
The spice girls
The hands of my grandmother crocheting afgans to keep us warm
The library's rocking chair where I often went to read about adventure
The chocolate covered pretzals we made every Christmas
The trashy trailor park where we temporarily lived
The strawberry and banana pudding I would steal from my grandma's fridge
The barbie car go-cart my uncle created for me
The after school drinks for jr. highers at the Goose Crossing
The Belleville Actors Guild and forensics team
The pink house
The lady who pierced my bellybutton, she taught me an unforgettable lesson
The room where I played school with my sisters
The streets where I learned to ride my bike
The swimming pool I peed in
This is my ode to you Belleville
No other town or city has done for me what you have
And I will never forget where I came from and I will not be ashamed
I am already missing what we had
I wish you the best and may you bless the lives of your other inhabitants the way you have mine

I never realize a moment has happened until well after it has passed.
I have said my vows with great sincerity and promise,
I have joyfully celebrated our union,
I have taken dominion in his habitat, shaking things up a bit,
but I have yet to realize what all of this is.
I'm pretty sure I'll never realize the panaramics of marriage,
but I breath and I live and I love.
Life is a fast flowing river.
It has swiftly taken me into the arms of commitment.
It's unbelievable that this is where I am at in my life.
It's challenging and unpredictable.
And I love it.
We know where we are for today, but tomorrow is a surprise.
And it's beautiful.
We grasp and cling to our love, our commitment of love, our love that only exists through our
God,
We hold onto one another as we take a backseat to the journey of our life.
Allowing love to conquer fear, pursuing righteousness, celebrating liberation and seeking justice.
The toils of the world--it's promise of perfection, it's emphasis on wordly treasures are not our desires.
We are now giving our life to our God and He is strong and able.
Therefore, we will not fear the uncertainties.
We will not fear pain or tears.
For our God has dressed the fields of lilies better than any girl on her wedding day.
He has given the leaves of the trees veins of life.
And yet, I never realize these things until after I have already had fear and doubt.
So typical of me.
But here's to life, love, marriage, peace, laughter, joy, justice, mercy and happiness.

FROM THE WOMB I AM MISSING

Sometimes it feels like such a nightmare that there is no way anyone could believe it's true.
It's quite radical, but I have no mother.
I have no mother.
I was born from flesh.
But I have no mother.
I was fed by milk.
But I have no mother.
My diapers were changed and my face was cleaned.
But I have no mother.
I know not where she's at, but if you find her, please tell her I miss her.
Tell her that I long to tell her about my fears.
I want her to comfort me.
I yearn for her to support my dreams.
I want her to guide me through difficult times.
I want her to fix my wedding veil.
I'd love for her to call me out of fear that I'm in danger.
I want her to to want to go wedding dress shopping with me.
I need her to love me for who I am.
I want her to listen to my cries.
You may ask how am I alive and well without this motherly being?
Well, how I'm alive is a miracle.
But I'm not well.
In fact, I'm very unwell.
So please, if you see her, beg her to come to me.
Let her know of my distress.
Tell her of my accomplishments and dreams.
Show her my picture.
For she knows me not.

The Life of a Paradox

How is it that man can be both miniscal and brillant?
Both meaningless and exalted?
How is man a living paradox?
Man in comparison with all existence is but an atom in the ocean.
The universe is too vast for man to explore or imagine.
Yet man is chosen by God to be in His image, to be the caretaker of all creation, to reflect
His love and to receive His salvation.
Perhaps in the eyes of the cosmos, man is like a flea.
Yet even our fleaness is made up of intricate details.
The seemingly insignificant skin covers the body parts, the body parts house tendons,
organs, bones, the organs house blood... It appears that all the vastness of the universe is
also contained in man.
Praise be to God for the beauty of all creation. Awe to it's wonder. Even the atom in the ocean has been intricately crafted to contain spledour and glory.