beauty not worth striving for

Since 8th grade I have been a vain girl.
I strived for beauty contained in definitions and images.
Even yesterday was the same.
But today is different.
Here's the thing, my confidence was determined by how much I ate and how many calories I burnt in a day.
If I didn't go to the gym, I was not beautiful.
Today I'm not going to the gym.
I'm not going to the gym for awhile.
Here's the thing, I want to be healthy but I want that to be the reason that I am going to the gym.
That hasn't been the reason.
Until I understand what kind of beauty is worth striving for I am not going to feed these existing lies.
Here's the thing, I must understand the beauty that I have been suffocating.
This beauty is already existing.
It is the beauty of merely being a woman, made in the image of Beauty itself.
I must learn that sexiness is not weight, haircolor or build.
I must learn that my value is not contained to physical attributes.
Here's the thing, beauty is not something I am striving for.
It's something that I have.
Finally, I am going to set it free.